An Interview with a Local Undertaker in Los Angeles
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Interviewer: So, I understand you’re an undertaker. Can you explain what that entails?
Videl: So I'm an undertaker.
Interviewer: A little bit more specific, maybe? haha
Videl: I help people get to where they're going. I help the families of the departed, and I help the departed.
Interviewer: What was the first thing you did today when you got to work? What was it like today? Can you run me through your day?
Videl: The first thing I did was get the hearse and the flower van into place. Flowers are very important in funerals. They make the corpse smell better, and they make people think about life. Most funeral traditions involve some sort of flowers, whether it’s next to the casket or inside the casket. So, we always have the van ready. The first family I worked with today only had one flower arrangement on top of the casket, so we didn’t actually need the van, but I brought it anyway just in case. It also had the speaker for the graveside service.
Interviewer: Does the flower van store a lot of flowers?
Videl: No, no. The flowers are delivered to the funeral home, and then we put them in the van. The family orders flowers beforehand.
Interviewer: That’s interesting. Let’s get back to your day. You mentioned the first family you worked with today. What was their service like?
Videl: The first family was Methodist. Methodist services are pretty secular. They pride themselves on not being overly ritualistic. One thing I like about my work is that I get to mingle with people of all different faiths. I talk to priests, imams, pastors, rabbis, and more. For today’s Methodist service, I asked the pastor if he thought what we did here affected how the departed are received on the other side.
Interviewer: What did he say?
Videl: He said that aligns with the Protestant notion of focusing on living a good life rather than ritualism.
Interviewer: What are your thoughts on that concept?
Videl: Being someone who services all religions, I say belief systems are as real as you choose to make them. For a Jewish person, performing every mitzvah—which means good deed—at a funeral might influence how they are treated on the other side. In Islam, the process depends on the sect, but it’s often very detailed. For example, today, we had a service where the casket was placed on the shoulder and walked to the graveside. Prayers were said multiple times as the casket was moved. This is a very important part of the service.
Interviewer: Can you elaborate on that process?
Videl: Sure. After taking the casket out of the chapel, it’s placed on the shoulder and carried to the graveside. There are prayers, and the casket is placed on the ground and lifted again. This is done until it’s finally placed in the ground. Prophet Muhammad recommended burying the corpse without a casket, but at my funeral home, caskets are required. For example, when we did Guruji’s funeral, his son jumped into the grave to carry him into position before the burial.
Interviewer: That’s deeply personal and cultural. Do you ever feel like funeral traditions have been stripped of their significance?
Videl: Absolutely. The funeral industry has commercialized grief, turning it into a business. Practices are often rushed because of corporate constraints. Services should take as much time as needed, but many places prioritize costs over respect. For example, some cemeteries enforce strict time limits, and I’ve had to ask families to leave their own funeral services because we were out of time. That’s heartbreaking.
Interviewer: How do you handle that?
Videl: I try to soften the blow, but it’s hard. This is why I don’t see this as an industry. It’s an undertaking, something deeply personal and meaningful.
Interviewer: Do you think there’s a way to address these systemic problems?
Videl: In Los Angeles, there are independent funeral homes that allow for more personalized services. Some people even act as funeral planners without owning a physical funeral home. It’s about having a plan and changing the culture around death to prepare for it earlier rather than waiting until someone has passed.
Interviewer: If someone wanted a more unique burial, how could they arrange that?
Videl: You don’t have to be buried in a cemetery. As long as you have permission from the landowner, you can be buried anywhere. For example, if you own a house, you could theoretically be buried in the backyard. It’s about finding the right arrangements and ensuring everything aligns with your wishes.
Interviewer: That’s fascinating. Let’s circle back to your work. How did you get into this profession?
Videl: I’ve always had a love for religion and orthodoxy, but I’ve never felt close to one specific faith. This work allows me to be close to all religions and perform an important task without being tied to a single community. It feels like a calling—an undertaking.
Interviewer: What do you think draws you to this work?
Videl: Death is the last great mystery. Nobody has survived it to talk about it, not even Jesus Christ. The wonder and mystery of death, if you look past the loss, can be a beautiful thing.
Interviewer: How does working so closely with death affect you personally?
Videl: There’s a level of detachment that comes with it. Every family’s needs are different. Some want you to take an active role, while others prefer you to be in the background. When I first started, I cried a lot. It was cathartic. But over time, you learn that emotional labor can’t be expended on everyone. If you run dry, you won’t have the energy for the next family who needs you.
Interviewer: Does it ever affect you outside of work?
Videl: Surprisingly, no. It’s almost like working so closely with death gives you a sort of protection from it. Loss and death are different things. Loss is personal, but death is universal. I’ve learned to separate the two.
Interviewer: Does this work make personal loss easier to bear?
Videl: Not necessarily. Loss is still painful. But I’ve found that being close to death gives me a perspective that helps me navigate it better. For example, I emptied my pockets the other day and found a condolence card from a service. It’s a reminder of the connections we make, even briefly.
Interviewer: That’s a beautiful way to put it. What’s the hardest part of your job?
Videl: The physical labor is tough. Lifting caskets, handling flowers—it’s manual labor in formal clothing. Flowers, in particular, are heavy and messy. They’re beautiful but temporary, which can feel symbolic.
Interviewer: Do you find symbolism in your work often?
Videl: Absolutely. Everything in this line of work feels symbolic in some way. Even flowers, which die quickly, remind us of the fleeting nature of life. They’re beautiful, but they’re not meant to last forever.
Interviewer: Do you have any advice for people attending a funeral?
Videl: Be there early, but not too early—an hour at most. That first moment when you see your loved one is important, and the staff needs time to prepare it properly. Be decisive and involve children in the process. There’s no inappropriate age to see a corpse; it’s important for them to understand mortality. Don’t step on headstones, and wait until the casket has passed by your aisle to leave the chapel. Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for things. If it’s within reason, the staff will do their best to accommodate.
Interviewer: What about planning for your own funeral? How can people ensure their wishes are respected?
Videl: Put it in writing. It doesn’t have to be legally binding, but having something written down helps. Include details like where you want to be buried, what kind of service you want, and any specific preferences for flowers, music, or rituals. Keep the document somewhere accessible for your loved ones.
Interviewer: I recall you mentioning earlier that you’ve made music. Can you tell me more about that?
Videl: Sure. I once made a song called “Under Dark” before I even started working in this field. It was an industrial track, kind of a think piece about what it’s like for the person who has died and their family. One of the lyrics went something like, “On your deathbed, indebted to those who lowered you into your final resting place. Won’t you take me away? Oh, Undertaker, to the under dark.” It was part of an EP I put out with Crunch Pod, an industrial music label.
Interviewer: That sounds profound. Do you think your music intersects with your work?
Videl: In a way, yes. Both are about exploring deep, existential questions. Music allows me to express those thoughts creatively, while my work gives me a more grounded perspective on life and death. Balancing both has been an interesting journey.
Interviewer: Are environmentally friendly burials becoming more common?
Videl: Yes, but they’re not new. Humanity has been practicing eco-friendly burials for centuries. Modern options include aquamation, where the body is dissolved into a nutrient-rich slurry, and composting, where remains are turned into fertile soil. Wicker caskets and mushroom spore suits are also gaining popularity. These practices help return the body to the earth in a meaningful way.
Interviewer: Do you find that these eco-friendly options resonate with a lot of families?
Videl: Definitely. Many people feel comforted by the idea of their loved ones returning to the earth in a natural way. It’s seen as a way of giving back and continuing the cycle of life. But, for others, the traditional rituals hold a deeper emotional connection. It all depends on the family and their beliefs.
Interviewer: Have you noticed a shift in how people view death over the years?
Videl: Yes, I think so. There’s been a growing movement to demystify death. People are more open to discussing it and exploring alternative options, whether it’s a green burial or a non-religious ceremony. But, at the same time, there’s still a lot of fear and avoidance around the topic. That’s why planning ahead is so important.
Interviewer: It sounds like your role involves a lot of emotional labor. How do you cope with that?
Videl: You have to find balance. I’ve learned to be present for families without absorbing their grief. It’s a skill that comes with time. Outside of work, I make sure to disconnect and focus on my own well-being. For me, it’s about creating boundaries and understanding that while I’m there to support others, I also need to support myself.
Interviewer: Do you have any memorable experiences that stand out in your career?
Videl: There are so many. One that comes to mind is a service for a young man whose family had very specific cultural traditions. It required a lot of coordination and involved rituals I wasn’t familiar with. But seeing how much it meant to the family and how it brought them comfort was incredibly rewarding. Those moments remind me why I do this work.
Interviewer: That sounds meaningful. On the other hand, have you faced challenges with families who may not understand the funeral process?
Videl: Absolutely. Sometimes families have unrealistic expectations or are unaware of certain limitations, like time constraints or legal requirements. It’s my job to guide them and find solutions while being as compassionate as possible. Communication is key, and I’ve found that most people are understanding when you take the time to explain things.
Interviewer: What would you say to someone considering a career as an undertaker?
Videl: I’d say it’s not just a job—it’s a calling. You have to be prepared for the physical and emotional demands. It’s not easy, but it’s incredibly fulfilling. If you’re drawn to helping others and find meaning in rituals and traditions, it can be a beautiful path.
Interviewer: That’s excellent advice. One last question: If you could change one thing about the funeral industry, what would it be?
Videl: I would love to see more focus on personalization and less on commercialization. Funerals should be about honoring the deceased and providing closure for their loved ones, not about upselling unnecessary services. I think we’re moving in that direction, but there’s still a long way to go.
Interviewer: Thank you so much for sharing your insights, Videl. This has been incredibly enlightening.
Videl: Thank you. I’m glad to share my perspective.
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